The Lyttle Lytton Contest

Bulwer-Lytton too wordy for you? This contest has the same requirements (first sentence of hypothetical novel, funny, awful prose) but ALSO must be brief. 2004 and 2003 were banner years, IMHO.

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; I know that's a contradiction but bear with me."

http://adamcadre.ac/lyttle.html